YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
