Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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