His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
