sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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