I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this is an emotional support booty call
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
