Just cropdusted the office
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
