I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
