My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
