oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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