Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
