why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
