HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
