go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
