just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
