dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
