It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
