Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
