Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
