this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
