Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize