Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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