You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize