i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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