IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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