the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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