You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
