I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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