remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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