DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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