It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
