So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
