If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
