non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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