His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
