lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize