just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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