If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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