based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
