the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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