So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
