I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
