Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You ruined the universe
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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