she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
