btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude. I can hear the air.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
