no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
