You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We have so much sex to catch up on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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