please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
