I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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