tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
