Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
