The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They took my balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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