She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
