Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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