Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
