I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
