Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
