i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
