I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize