grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
