I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Randomize
