every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
