For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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