So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
