i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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