Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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