We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
