Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
