i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
