just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
