She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
