This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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