Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
