We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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