You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
