You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
