I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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