Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
