im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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