We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
