He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
