she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The feeling are messing with the penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize