Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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