he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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