I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
