He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
